


Homelife: Evan

by Gaybrand



Series: one offs/short stories [2]
Category: Everyman HYBRID, Tribe Twelve
Genre: AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, F/F, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Transphobia, alt hs is different if anyone is curious, alternitive high school au, everyone is gay and truamatized
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 11:23:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15484686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaybrand/pseuds/Gaybrand
Summary: Evan has been called into the Doctors office, and thinks over why hes been sent there in the first place [alt high school au]





	Homelife: Evan

**Author's Note:**

> this is both very self indulgent and venty and also i used experiences i've heard about/aren't very far off from actual things than could happen. i advise against reading this also if you see anything that should be tagged please let me know i tried to tag everything i could think of.
> 
> to my boyfriend, who encouraged me and helped me though my own experiences. i love you angel.

Hiding was essential. Lying about the way he lived. Lying about being treated with kindness, true kindness. Lying to the entire outside world. Shame, pain, confusion, and resentment boiling inside must be kept bottled up in an acceptable container of contentment and compliance. 

He sat outside the Doctor's office, wondering, despite himself, what he could have done wrong. He knew that James more than likely just wanted to talk and he was sure he knew what he wanted to talk about. Though this just made him more anxious. He looked at his hands, popping his joints over and over, and wondered if anyone had seen the nail marks. He knew they could see the hideous purple, yellow and blue medley staining the left side of his face. Bruised cheek, nearly blackened eye, and busted lip generally was cause for concern. False or otherwise. 

[“You're going to get the fucking cops called on us you crazy fuck!”

“If it's going to act like a bitch it's gonna get treated like a bitch!” 

Evan coward on the floor, his father holding his head up by a fistful of his hair. Tears skewed the vision of the blood on his legs and the ashy carpet under him. 

“Look what it fuckin did to itself.” He yanked Evan forward by his hair so his mother could see the long, deep erratic cuts in his skin, he couldn't bring himself to try and look up at her. 

“Then I'll fucking deal with it but if you fuckin scream like that we're fucked!” 

“What are you gonna fuckin-”

“Teach it a lesson.”] 

He was ashamed, though of what he wasn't sure just that he dare not tell anyone outright. What would they do? What would they think of him? What would his parents do if they were found out?

It had always been like this, and though part of him felt as though this was wrong, another part of him felt as though this was normal and he was making a big deal out of nothing by hating them. More than likely it was his own fault. They weren't always awful and years ago they wouldn't get mad at him the same way, in fact they hardly paid attention to him as he was a relatively good kid. At least better than he was now. 

[A normal parent perhaps wouldn't leave a small boy of perhaps 7 to wander the streets at night. A normal parent probably wouldn't have forgotten one of their children even existed and locked the door from before he'd come home from school to late night when cars weren't even passing by in the street very often. He'd grown tired of sitting on the doorstep and knocking every once in awhile hoping they'd realize he was missing. The car was parked on the street indicating that someone was home, although for reasons he would only understand later his parents did leave the car at home occasionally, sometimes for weeks, and simply walked everywhere. He didn't mind that as much as the car smelled like cigarettes and old alcohol and the fumes, especially on a hot day, made his head hurt. He'd stood on several bricks to look into the window and thought he saw a figure smoking in the shabby recliner but couldn't get their attention no matter how much he knocked on the glass. 

So there he was, backpack still on and very hungry, wandering the neighborhood in near darkness. The street lamps would flicker here and there revealing cracked roads with trash littering their sides. He felt little fear for things logical adults would fear in seeing a child out in the darkness, only for imaginary horrors seen in movies he had no business watching but could access easily when mom and pop were out ‘working’. Shadows everywhere that seemed to sneak away from where he could see. Imagining creatures, things beyond description snatching him off to some horrible fate. He began to get uneasy and wondered which direction home was. By daylight he very likely could have found his way back, but in the different universe of the night, he was hopelessly lost. He kept going feeling like it was better to stay moving and feeling more and more stupid for leaving the yard. 

A car came up from behind him on the road it's unnaturally bright lights slicing through the darkness. A man shoved his head out of the window of the car and shouted something at him, cackling when he flinched, and drove off obnoxiously loudly. Badly shaken, Evan ran, as fast as he could in whichever direction his feet took him.

After a handful of minutes he was out of breath and very tempted to sit on the curb and cry. His stomach ached and bugs kept finding their way to his arms and legs, their tiny feet making him jump when he felt them. 

To his great relief he looked up to find a street sign and while he wasn't the most proficient reader he could almost bet that it was the street he lived on. He attempted to follow it as though he were just walking home from school and eventually came across the tiny, shoddily constructed building he called home. He nearly cried again but this time in joy. He ran up the wooden porch that creaked ominously as though it was going to crumbled under him, and slammed his tiny fists against the door over and over and over while yelling for his mom. He tried and tried to pry the door open but it wouldn't budge and after several minutes he had to stop. His hands were bruised and his legs and feet ached and he was hardly able to keep his eyes open. With no other option, he set his backpack on the porch and lay down trying to use it as a pillow. He shivered in the night air. It was not a restful sleep, but it wouldn't be the last time he'd make a bed of the front porch.] 

Getting kicked out of regular school had pointedly made it worse. Yes he had received attention, attention not in the form of care but in repeated regular attacks both to his person and physical blows that left marks. Marks Where others wouldn't see and, as his drunken lunatic of a father would put it, “tell me how to parent my fuckin kid”.

They had become exceptionally more temperamental as time went on, it seemed even the smallest of things he did would set them off. While his father was the main aggressor his mother had a tendency to be equally vile.

[“What did I tell you about playing your bullshit in my house?” If mothers were supposed to be comforting people Evan’s never got the memo. He didnt remember if he'd been actually playing music, only that she'd broken the old CD player he'd so carefully and painstakingly attempted to fix by throwing it against the wall, bits and pieces shattered irreparably off of it. He'd lashed out, only verbally, only demanding why she had done so. Being shoved against the wall and hit and yelled at hadn't hurt nearly as much as trying, and failing later that night, to fix a shitty old CD player that had already been broken when it was given to him. 

Breaking his few belongings as an indirect punishment for being a failure.]

He never would have made it through regular high school, debilitating adhd whatever his parents and brother had caused and the overall feeling of being a complete idiot made it both so he had no real ability to succeed and no real will to try and inevitably fail. He, instead, played the role of the clown. Funny, friendly, aloof, things he was very good at doing either naturally or even through force. 

Teachers would berate him demanding to know why he couldn't do any work, he would shrug and lie saying it was pointless. Not that he didn't believe that but that it wasn't the problem. What little focus he had was spent trying to survive another day or two.

[“God could you get any fuckin stupider ?” Evan only barely dodged whatever had been thrown at him. The shattering glass behind him told him probably a beer bottle. “I don't know why I have to tell you the same shit every goddamn time, you're either so dense nothing gets through or you're doin this to make me look like a fuckin fool.” 

Evan didn't even know what he'd done this time. He'd been sitting there, actually trying for once as sometimes he did try to do some work, only to have the greasy haired shitstain that paid the rent stride into the room and berate him. He said nothing, only thinking of what he wished he could spit in this despicable mans face. 

“Are you fuckin listenin you fuckin stupid faggot, god you just want to make me look bad. You're playing dumb and you're gonna fuck up your whole life and make me n your mother look like shit parents. it's all a fuckin scam so you can blame all your problems on us .” 

A scam, how many times had he been accused of tricking this man. And what was he supposedly getting out of it. Evan had no idea and wasn't going to ask, he knew better.

“Fucking answer me!” 

“I can hear you.” Evan replied far too much disdain in his voice. He flinched when his father stepped closer towering over him, well aware he'd fucked up. 

“Alright smartass, than listen up. One more wet plate in that cupboard, any dirt on that floor, anymore fuck ups when I tell you to scrub that fucking kitchen and I'll hit ya like you're a fuckin kid. Got it?” 

Evan nodded.

“Do you fucking hear me!” 

“Yes.” 

“clean up this mess.” He gestured to the broken glass on the floor. “Get it done before I'm back.” The man turned and strode out the front door, slamming it behind him leaving Evan to abandon his work and get on the floor picking up shards of glass from the filthy carpet, cutting himself several times in the process. More often than not it was better to just comply. ]

He was pegged as a violent child with behavior issues. That and the awful grades were mainly what got him kicked out. Though technically it had been one fight in particular, he had several in incidents to his name. He hated to think that he got his temper from his father.

[“Don't ev you'll just get in trouble” vinny's hand grabbed his wrist knowing what he was thinking as a response to the small group of jeering boys. He knew what they were saying about him,they never really changed up the insults after each individual learned the meaning of ‘faggot’. 

“I don't care, they don't get to fucking treat you like that.” Evan glared at them, blood boiling. 

“It's not worth it, cmon it doesn't even bother me,” vinny Insisted looking away from the group that was now making obscene gestures and nearly yelling jokes regarding his weight in an attempt to get him to respond. Vinny never did respond, believing naively that eventually they'd get bored and leave him alone. Somehow he still thought this years an years later. 

Evan opened his mouth but was cut off by a particularly aggravating jackass of the group who loudly asked if they were off to “blow the old bus driver”, him being the only other person to stand up for vinny besides Evan. Evan whipped around to face them while vinny firmly clamped onto his arm and started dragging him away, though he wasn't able to stop Evan from yelling back at them. 

“You can't keep doing that dude.” Vinny pulled him around the corner a tight grip still on Evans arm. 

“You don't treat other people like that.” 

“They're just jokes. I really don't care..” 

“Yeah and they're not fucking funny.” Evan realized after he'd said it that his tone had been a little too intense, as vinny shifted slightly back. 

“You never do this when they call you names…” vinny sighed probably not expecting Evan to hear. 

“It doesn't matter what they call me its all true anyway, they can call me a dumbass or a queer or whatever else but they're not treating you like that again, I mean it Vince.” His tone was stern as he tried to pull his arm out of vinny's surprisingly tight grip. 

“It's not true…..the stupid part I mean..” Vin mumbled looking aside. “You're not dumb….I just don't want you to get In trouble.” 

“I don't care if I get in trouble.”

“Yeah i've noticed.” vinny's tone seemed to cut deeper than that of the bullies. He never seemed happy that evan defended him and yet again he wondered if vinny regretted being his friend.]

Admittedly, the alternative school was better in some ways. Less teachers, less students and no one actually knew Evan. Though that meant none of his friends were around and he couldn't protect them. He honestly felt as though that was the one reason to stick around.

He tried to lay low in a sense, not draw too much attention to himself and thus stay out of trouble. If he sat away from the teacher and other kids as much and didn't talk perhaps he could get through the year with little incident. There was nowhere else to send him if he got kicked out of here as well. It was painfully lonely, especially for someone like evan who was usually very outgoing and friendly. He tried to convince himself it was for the best and what he deserved anyway. 

He'd been surprised,though thrilled, to find Vincent and their friend Jeff at a lunch table only a few weeks into the school year. He knew Jeff and his brother had some issues after their parents had died and though they had nice foster parents, he hadn't seen Jeff for a while before he'd been expelled, potentially because of other students treatment of the lanky boy with his quiet tone and meek persona. 

[“I swear to fucking God…” Evan muttered. 

“Evan don't..,”

“Hey tranny! Over here!” 

“If he says one more fucking thing…” Evan gripped the plastic spoon in his hand he'd been playing with hard enough for it to snap. 

“Evan man...it's ok I just ignore it most of the time…” Jeff mumbled. 

Steph reached over and patted Jeff on the back sympathetically, “don't get into any fights Evan it'll just make it worse.” 

“But…”

“Believe me he'd be eating the fucking dirt if there was anyway of me getting away with it.” She said glaring at the offender from their spot under the ‘smoking tree’ outside of the normal high school. Generally it was where all the stoner kids hung out during lunch and when they were just skipping class. This time being part of the former.

“Guys...it's not a big deal…” Jeff murmured , drawing designs in the dirt with a stick. “I'm used to it by now.” 

Evan sighed knowing it would just upset Jeff and possible put him in danger if he tried to defend him. 

“Hey ya fuckin dyke I'm talking to you” the sniveling kid was scrawny but tall and evidently really in the mood to piss someone off. 

“Yeah what of it asshole?” Steph yelled back at him, knowing full well he wasn't actually talking to her. “Go be fucking ugly somewhere else.” 

“Not you the little she/him.” 

“That's not even a fucking word, shit for brains.” 

“Steph cmon…” Jeff tried to touch her arm, but recoiled almost immediately, as her hands were balled into fists.

“I don't care what you fags wanna call her, you know I'm right.”

Steph stood up and, before either Jeff or Evan could stop her, hurled a small object at the kid hitting him directly in the head. The kid swore loudly and doubled over, covering the injured part of his head. 

“What the fuck was That?” 

“Rock.” 

“Stephanie!” 

“What?” She shrugged and picked up her backpack. “Let's go inside. I'm bored.” 

Jeff gave him a completely bewildered look and Evan just shrugged sheepishly. They both walked a lot quicker than normal hoping the kid didn't have any backup friends] 

Vinny had been a surprise. Evidently he'd been blamed for a few of Evans fights and had been caught with alcohol in his car which was, to the school, the last straw. Vinny said it had been a misunderstanding but no one would listen, Evan believed him knowing his attitude towards such things. 

[“Evan.”

“What's up man,” Evan grinned swaying slightly.

“You're high aren't you.” Vinny scowled shoving his books into his backpack.

“Well don't tell the whole school.” Evan giggled. “I don't got anymore to share.” 

Vinny shook his head still scowling and headed off to the building as he'd been sitting outside on a bench for lunch. “You'd better hope Your teacher doesn't care, you fuckin stink dude.” 

“Nah man he's cool as long as I ain't hurtin nobody.” Evan said pulling his bag open and grabbing perfume of which he sprayed generous amounts of all over himself and inside his bag. “There now I smell froootie.” vinny just shook his head evidently not finding his silly voice entertaining. 

“Aw What's wrong dude you're gonna kill my vibe here.” 

“I'm not in the mood.” Vinny walked into the school refusing to look back at Evan.

“You wanna huuuuug?” Evan had to nearly jog to keep up and tried his best to just get a smile out of his friend to no avail.

“No. Don't worry about it.” Vinny stated flatly.

“Why can't I help man?” 

“You're stoned, you'll just joke about it.” Vinny turned a corner abruptly leaving Evan to blink and try to mentally catch up. 

“Please Vince?” Evan whined catching up to him.

Vinny stopped walking. “fine. You already know I don't really like that shit anyway and you're so reckless with it. But when I say anything about you doing y'know, drugs, I'm the fucking loser or buzzkill. ”

“Dude all your friends are fuckin potheads, what's the big deal.” 

“Well it's illegal for one and when you get caught you're fucked.” Vinny said reluctantly letting Evan cling to his arm while they kept walking to class. “Then I'll be out of a friend…” He muttered under his breath.

“If I get caught.” Evan corrected poking vinny's nose “and I won't man I'm not the stupidest motherfucker even if I'm close, so relax.” 

“I just don't see why you'd risk so much shit for it. it's not even that good.” Vinny set his bag down and settled himself into his seat. They were a few minutes early, vinny was just that kind of kid. Evan slid in his seat next to him and nearly fell out of it before responding. 

“Maybe if you tried it more than once-”

“Don't even start with me Evan.” Vinny snapped setting his books down a little hard. Evan shifted away from him. 

“Ok ok man I was just jokin,” Evan held his hands up in mock surrender and hugged vinny's arm again, even in his slightly delirious state Evan could see vin wasn't happy with him. “Are ya mad at me?” He asked slightly pouty. Vinny didn't answer. “Viiiiiince do you hate me now?” Evan gave him his best puppy dog eyes and vinny rolled his own and pet his head with a sigh. 

“No I'm not mad, I just don't want you to get In serious trouble for something stupid like weed.”

“I won't get in trouble, promise.” 

“That's what everyone says and then they get in trouble.” Vinny muttered as kids began filing into the classroom. “Could you at least not do it right when you're about to go to class man, people can tell and you never know who's gonna rat you out. Just give yourself some time to sober up? Please?” 

“Weeeellllll alright fine.” Evan shrugged “if it make ya feel better I will.” 

“It's does, thank you.” Vinny said putting his arm around Evan. Vinny couldn't exactly hide that while his disapproved of Evans habits, he did enjoy the attention he got out of it. 

“Hey where's my kiss?” Evan grinned looking up at him only half joking. “Doin ya a favor ain't I?” 

“Not with breath like that.” Vinny said unable to keep and amusement out of his tone or the little smile off his face. 

“Well damn. Maybe I'll invest in gum.” 

“Good idea goofball.” vinny chuckled ruffling his hair.] 

Having several familiar faces around the school raised evans spirits some despite himself. He'd been less thrilled, however, to know his brother would be going to school with him.

[“Put your hands on me again, go on see what happens ya old fuckin cunt.” Evan could hear the arguments nearly every other night from his bedroom. he lay awake listening, waiting til he'd have to go out and break up the fight before a neighbor called the cops, which had happened a few times before. He only stayed in his room to avoid early crossfire.

“Fuck you and fuck your spineless whore of a wife, i can't wait til one of you fuckin kills the other..” The yelling voice was cut off by a strangled one and there were sounds of something heavy being knocked over. 

“How dare you disrespect me, I fuckin give you a house and clothes on you back and you insult me and my wife? When I do fucking everything for you? Go ahead,” another loud thump “leave, get the fuck out of here if you don't like it, I hope you get fucking raped and killed you and your shitty faggot brother both.” 

Evan cautiously left the room. from the hallway he could see the dining room chairs knocked onto the floor and his father holding a boy by his throat against the wall. In only a moment he was over there pulling them off each other. Here was more shouting as he did this but he couldn't focus on what was being said. His dad hit him over the back of the head and yelled names at him but Evan didn't engage. As much as he fought and cussed him out Evan dragged his brother back to his room and locked the door behind them. He heard his mother leave her room and start screaming at his father. It it didn't matter anymore, the attention was away from them. 

“I didn't need you.” ‘HABIT’ as he insisted on being called, massaged his throat that held marks already. Identical piercing blue eyes to his own glared in his direction. Twins in that if they hadn't such contrasting personalities the only difference would be HABITs long matted hair. He'd been forced to cut it many times but after the last time their mother had tried and they'd fought she merely glared in disgust when she saw him. 

“Sorry for trying to help..”Evan muttered trying not to think about the sudden silence from beyond the room.

“You didn't fucking help you deformed clown.” HABIT snarled back. “This same shit is just going to happen again in a few days.”

“Maybe if you didn't fucking try to argue with him-”

“Oh and just take his shit like a stupid bitch? Just take it like you?”

“Yeah, dumbass.”

“No chance fag.” HABIT scoffed, crossing his arms and laying down on evans bed. Evan sighed heavily and stayed near the door for a few minutes listening to his parents argue, but much quieter, meaning the fight was just about over for the night, though no one would be able to leave the bedroom without the risk of starting more shit. 

“Hey.” evan didn't turn to look at HABIT. “Hey meathead.”

“What do you want man.” evan muttered still not looking at him.

“Wanna climb on the roof an get high?”

“Shit…” evan sighed. “Might as well, i think they're done anyway.” he turned an opened the window, both of them being so thin it was remarkably easy to slip out of the small hole and pull themselves up to the roof. HABIT was able to sneak into his own room through the window as well. As much as evan couldn't stand his brother, sometimes it helped to have someone to sit on top of the house and drown himself in a stupor with who understood at least in part how it felt to live inside the decaying building.]

For the most part, evan could deflect a few of the teachers attempts to get close and learn anything about him. He'd gotten pretty good at it, though these teachers were a little more persistent than the others, he still managed to safely avoid being found out by the staff.

There was, however, an exception, and his name was Dr James Corenthal.

Evidently a “retired” child psychologist, Corenthal was an intelligent though admittedly somewhat eccentric middle aged man who taught several classes at the alternative school. 

He was very much interested in his students on a personal level, in an almost fatherly manner, and evan was sure the other kids liked that about him, vinny and jeff definitely did anyway. Evan couldn't share in their relief of having an authority figure like him around. Evan in short didn't trust james. Especially because he was so nice to someone like evan. 

The doctors very gentle reminders and questions about him pissed him off at first,it felt sarcastic and tired, and he didn't trust adults. in hindsight his overt defensiveness was embarrassing. James was kind and patient, unreasonably so, to the point that when Evan pushed him away in the most disrespectful ways he could muster, and James still stuck around and was pleasant to him, Evan was scared. His persistence and reactions made no sense. Every other teacher gave up even putting him in detentions. james , on the other hand, would simply invite him to his office to try and talk to him.

[“hey evan.” James said looking up from an unreasonable stack of paper as evan slouched his way into the office. “Have a seat, i won't bite.” he joked, though james had a tone of voice that made it hard to determine if he was saying something jokingly if it wasn't already blatantly obvious. 

“So, how's your day going buddy.” James asked when he sat down, setting his book sized pile of documents to the side. 

“Oh just cut the shit man,” Evan rolled his eyes, irritable already and just wanting James to get whatever he was going to say over with. “ can ya just lecture me if that's what you're gonna do so we don't gotta look at each other.” 

“What would i have to lecture you about evan?” James asked folding his hands together. “I just wanted to get to know you some.” he said after evan had shrugged. 

“Cool story man, kinda creepy.” evan said blandly. 

“So, are you liking this school any better?” the doctor asked seemingly ignoring evans comment.

“Not really. It's school and i'm still stupid.” 

“Who said that?”

“I did. Like a second ago. “ evan replied sarcastically hoping james would just get angry and make him leave. 

“That you did. But you were most likely repeating something someone else had told you.” James continued calm as ever.

“Well it's kind of a popular opinion.” evan said casually, though he resorted to playing with one of james pens. 

“Well i can't say i agree.” james commented simply. “I, for one, believe you're a much more intelligent young man than you give yourself credit for.”

“Uh...ok then man. Don't say i didn't warn ya though.” Evan laughed a little nervously. He wasn't sure how he felt about this conversation. “Do you actually like… need somethin from me? Are you gonna yell at me for bein twitchy or whatever or can i go.”

“You can leave whenever you like evan.” James said, “though i may invite you back here sometimes. Remember it's an invitation, it's not mandatory. My doors always open if you ever want to talk as well.”

“Yeah yeah cool.” Evan put the pen back and stood up. “See ya later i spose.”

“Have a good day Evan.” the doctor said kindly as he left.

“Uh...yeah you too i guess.” Evan said awkwardly, trying to read the expression on the doctors face. The whole ten or so minute conversation seemed very odd to him, he had a hard time getting it off his mind. h e found himself, to his own surprise, coming back to james on his own in the few months following that particular interview.]

The slow build up allowing himself to trust James, somewhat against his better judgement,confused Evan. it was comforting to let him talk Evan through his problems with school. Though there was always him hiding most of the reasons. He couldn't bring himself to be open about certain things. His parents, his brother, their relative poverty, even people he dated. Corenthal had, respectfully, asked him about his sexuality when he would notice him being harassed or being so clingy with his friends and no matter what he couldn't bring himself to put the actual word to it. He was too cautious, despite being aware that James knew about vinny, Jeff and probably, like the rest of them, suspected about Noah. James wouldn't have tolerated treatment like the regular high school allowed, but Evan still couldn't.

[Had he known any part of what was going to happen when he came home that day he never would have. He'd been told time and time again to stop being ‘inappropriate’ at school. He had seen an administrator turn a blind eye to the straight kids nearly humping each other in the hallway but tell him and his boyfriend that school ‘wasn't the place for that’ when the most Evan had done was kiss his cheek before class. Yet, he never thought they'd call home, he never assumed they could hate him so much to inform his parents that he'd been ‘making others uncomfortable’ with his ‘obscene display ‘. 

His father sat on the sofa, worn and torn like an animal had gotten mad at it though they never had any pets, he was quiet and that unnerved Evan walking into the room. He had hoped he was drugged up, typically he was more pleasant while high. Evan was not so lucky that day. 

“Come here boy.” He rasped. 

Evan froze momentarily before forcing himself to walk and stand in from of where his father sat. 

“So, I got a call from the school,” Evan heart started racing suddenly. What had he done this time? “Now, I know I didn't hear..what I thought I heard. No way. Over the phone yknow right? Can't always tell what's bein said. But what I thought I heard, and this is so funny, is that you were walking around the school makin out in the halls with boys like some kinda deviant. An now cus I know it can't be true of any son of mine, I figure I'll just ask to clear the air, see if you had anything to say about such an ...absurd accusation.” 

Evan felt sick to his stomach, he couldn't speak, his father glared at him with enough malice to make his blood turn cold. 

“Do you think I allow that kinda perverted bullshit in my house?”

“I..”

“You always were a fuck up”

“I..I just..” 

“Worthless fucking faggot”

“But i…”

“Do you wanna be fucking homeless boy? On the street?”

“No i..”

“No is fucking right y’know why?”

“i...don't..”

“You know what happens to homeless fags? I'll tell ya. They go out and they get shot and beat up and y’know why? They're disgusting. They're the fucks who take the little kids at the park and the sweet little Church boys and brainwash em or rape em. Sometimes both. That's all you are Evan. you just wanna fuck little kids huh? I'll bet you just sit in class all day thinkin about fuckin all the boys there don't ya? Or maybe,” he grinned disgustingly “ maybe you wish you were that little boy, yeah that's it isn't it boy you wish some big motherfucker would come up and rape ya.” He grabbed Evans arm pulling him ever so slightly closer a sinister look in his eyes. “

“No fuck you,fuck you shut the fuck up!” Evan ripped his arm out of the man's grip and yelled. He felt disgusting, filthy, the urge to vomit was alarmingly present. 

His father stood up alarmingly fast. He was scrawny and tall but Evan knew how much those fists hurt when swung angrily. 

“You don't get to talk to me like that you little fag,” he snarled. 

Evan tried to run but was grabbed only a moment later by his arm and thrown against a wall. Before he could stand his father was hovering over him, clasping his hands around Evans throat and so close he could small the tobacco and something like decay on his breath. 

“If I hear one more thing about this you'll be on the fucking streets got it. Get rid of any little boy toys you got and be fucking normal or I'll hurt you and anyone I catch with ya myself” the hands around Evans throat tightened and Evan fearfully nodded unable to move. 

The terror of those moments stuck in his mind, the threats of anyone close to him being hurt drove him to cut contact and be less open with many people he knew. It ached terribly, to see his now ex boyfriend cry when Evan had to break it off with him without being able to tell him why. He stopped seriously pursuing everyone and felt vile everytime he found another man attractive. Especially his friends.]

He sat wondering if maybe he could just leave. Physically yes, he could easily. The front doors were right there. Something kept him sitting there. He wished he'd been able to find Steph before school, she would have helped. She would have hid it with him like she'd done so many times before. 

[ “Shit Evan….” Stephanie pulled her hair up and examined the marks on his face. She knew, how she knew he never found out though, he figured she could just tell. The woman's home had many girls who had similar lives before they came there. Steph had lived here for years, all the years Evan had known her. This wasn't the first nor would it be the last time he'd snuck into the home and asked her to cover the marks. 

“This is pretty fucked…” she brushed hair out of his face. The washed out bathroom light in the home made his injuries look worse he was sure. She grabbed a wash cloth and gently cleaned the scratches. “You can't just keep letting this happen. Someone is going to find out and god knows what'll happen then.” 

“That's why I ask you to hide it, no one needs to know. It's….embarrassing.” He shifted slightly, never quite comfortable in this place, especially as he wasn't supposed to be here. 

“That's never going to make anything better.” She said flatly. “You have to do something.” 

“Look...it's fine I just don't want people to worry or ask questions.” Evan winced slightly. He knew he was asking her to do something she really didn't want to, he knew if she could she'd do anything to help him. He was here to beg her to help him hide.

“Evan….cmon are you really gonna to do this?”

“Steph look I...can't do anything else, I don't want to cause more fights with habit.” He was lying through his teeth at the only person he could turn to and it felt awful, but what if she refused to help him if she knew it was his parents?

She bit her lip and sighed. “Alright….but I need you to think about what I've told you before. If this happens again I really would rather you talk to someone.” They both knew it wasn't an ‘if’ . Evan knew she wanted him to get real help, but he had a hard time believing this was even bad, only that he was ashamed of it. 

“Who would I even talk to and what's the point. Why should I tell anyone…..if there was somthin wrong I don't have anyone to tell.” 

“I've already told you how wrong this is. I've already explained that it's not fucking ok what happens to you…” she said cooly.

“And I've already said its not as bad as it looks Stephanie.” He snapped a little. “Sorry...sorry I….didn't mean to.” she shook her head indicating that it was fine. “It's just some bruises and scratches here and there, he's just rough. I don't need anyone calling the cops over nothing.” 

She grimaced but didn't comment, merely pulling out old makeup and setting to work covering the bruises and scratches as best as she could. 

“Thank you.” He said softly as she finished up, examining his face from different angles to ensure that it was well covered. 

“Please Evan...I know it's fucking terrifying and you shouldn't have to do this. I don't think you're a coward for not doing it but, please...please talk to someone.” 

“I…..maybe….” He muttered. She sighed and hugged him.

“Alright well….you better get out before everyone wakes up. I'll see ya later, be careful.”] 

Stephanie was one of his closest friends, and yet he often felt guilty having her know what she did. She didn't need his drama. He tried very often to pass off things his parents had done as things HABIT had, although he was starting to think she didn't buy it. She'd still tell him it wasn't normal, and hinted that she knew who was behind most of this. 

Evan did everything in his power not to let anyone in on the fact that his home life was much different than other peoples, but he'd never been around normal parents and it was difficult.

Evan was confused often. What came off as normal for him never failed to make others concerned, leading him to never talk about home. He was ashamed but he never could understand what exactly caused everyone to give him those looks of pity or fear or awkwardness. 

[They were telling stories, funny stories. Evidently in a haze of morning confusion Jeffs foster parent had fed the dog scrambled eggs instead of Alex and, being the world's fattest beagle, sparky had licked up all of it before she had realized her mistake. 

“Shit man like...the other night my dad,I think he might be doing meth again, but anyway he like...forgot he had kids or something n locked my mom n habit out of the house I guess he thought I was a robber or some shit bc he kept following me around with a knife sayin he was gonna call the fbi, but he was like too high or drunk so he kept knockin shit over and some books fell on his head it was funny.” Evan said casually in between bites of a horrible breakfast sandwich from the school he'd managed to scrape up money to get. 

“Dude….that's….uh..” Jeff didn't seem to be able to find the right words but he looked uncomfortable. Steph who was sitting next to him scowled but said nothing. 

“That's fucked up man are you fuckin kidding?” The tall, lanky figure of Noah, a friend of theirs, sat up a little from his typical slouched demeanor of the early morning. His expression shifted to disgust and anger and he looked almost intimidating despite Evan knowing him to be the least scary of any of his friends. His cousin, milo, sat to his right not joining in on the conversation as usual but listening intently. Even his expression shifted and he appeared to be thinking very hard. 

Vinny seemed uneasy. “Geez man I'm….sorry…that's not right...” 

Evan was confused. “What are ya sorry for, it was kinda funny.” He realized immediately after saying it that it was the wrong thing to say, But he couldn't stop himself from trying to get them to see the humor in the situation. “I mean I don't think he could see, just kept running into shit holdin the knife it looked stupid.” He chuckled but awkwardly seeing vinny, Jeff, and Noah look appalled. 

“He….chased you around the house with a knife….probably on drugs...and you're saying that's fucking funny?” Noah seemed unsettled.

“Well when you say it like that it sounds bad.” Evan attempted to sound casual and joking but was suddenly wishing they could change the subject. 

“Does he do that normally?” Jeffs voice wavered sounding scared,

“Nah usually he just beats ya for not cleanin somethin right.” Evan shrugged, trying to be nonchalant about the several pairs of eyes looking at him with fear and sadness and in Steph’s case suspicion. 

Evan shifted starting to feel uncomfortable as though he wasn't supposed to talk about this, he tried to think of a way to change the subject when Kevin, another friend of theirs, seemingly appeared out of nowhere and inadvertently saved Evans lot of awkward and painful questions. 

“Hey guys.. what's goin on?” He seemed to have sensed the tense atmosphere, he was pretty good at reading that kind of thing, and everyone was quiet for a moment giving each other nervous looks that evan could see out of the corner of his eye. Milo eventually interrupted.

“Nothin man where the fuck were you,” his voice was low and smooth and never indicative of any emotion somehow.

“Oh I got lost.” Kevin shrugged sitting next to Noah where Evan had made room for him. That seemed to shift the conversation to how in the hell Kevin got lost when he lived only ten minutes walking distance from the school and away from Evan, though he had to actively ignore the looks Stephanie was giving him.]

It wasn't all bad with his friends, really he loved them genuinely. Often feeling like they were the only reason to keep going. 

[Noah had invited him over not long after he'd told the story about his dad. Evan was relieved to have an excuse to be away from the house and honestly liked Noah quite a bit. He lived with his parents and for reasons neither of them would explain, Milo. it was a sort of joke in the school to ask people ‘what they're in for’ but whenever milo was asked he would come up with a completely ridiculous story that was different every time, and when anyone asked Noah he would get defensive of his cousin. Evan could assume however that Milo didn't have parents or at least didn't have good ones, and just didn't want to talk about it.

They were in Noah's kitchen, Milo had just gone out without saying anything and leaving a container of food on the table. Noah who was making coffee just shrugged, it seemed even he didn't fully understand his cousin. 

“Could you eat some of it...it'll make me feel better.” Noah murmured gesturing to the leftovers. Evan nodded, starving suddenly, as he sat down at the kitchen table and pulling off the lid to the bowl, attempting to eat politely but so excited to have access to food. “Thanks.” Noah smiled just slightly while he poured himself coffee, and sat down across from him. 

“What about you ?”Evan asked feeling somewhat awkward eating in Noah's house without him. 

“My stomach..,hurts a lot I can't really eat right now.” Noah grimaced. 

“Ah shit..does it do that alot? Y'know I just never see you eat ever.” 

“Well...yeah actually.” Noah shifted in his seat but shrugged, “I don't know exactly why, I'm kinda anxious I guess.” 

Evan nodded and refrained from asking if that was why he was In the alternative school, no other reason made sense, Noah never really did anything bad besides smoking with Evans friends or milo and Kevin and that he never did around school. He'd seen Noah get stressed and nearly cry in class and had found him throwing up in the bathroom more than once so he kind of figured that was the case. 

They relaxed for a few hours eventually going into noah's living room and watching tv to make fun of it (noah had alot of That 70s show DVDs for whatever reason, though evan didn't mind), eventually the topic of school dances was brought up as the regular high school was having one soon and typically the alternative school kids could go if they were invited.

“Would you go? Like if you were invited.” evan asked opening a can of pop. “I don't think anyone would invite me even if i wanted to go. Especially cus i wouldn't dress up probably.” he chuckled.

“Id go but i don't uh...know any girls and i used to get alot of shit for going places with guys.” noah shrugged. “I'm not too torn up about it though, It's probably not that fun anyway.”

“Oh yeah I got a bunch of shit for that, mostly from...my dad,” Evan remarked impulsively , though tried to say it casually and while Noah somewhat grimaced he didn't say anything about it to his relief. 

“Yeah got shit for that mostly in middle school...honestly I Can't do anything without people assuming I'm gay so…” Noah muttered 

“Well...are you?” Evan asked casually, feeling kind of like an asshole but being too curious and impulsive to not ask. Noah sat biting his lip for a moment before hanging his head. 

“Yeah….yeah I am..” 

“Well than...what's so wrong with people assuming?” Evan asked but he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

“I don't want people to just fucking know or guess...that's the shit that got me fuckin teased and shoved around In middle school and outcasted in the regular high school,” Noah ran his hands through his hair agitated. “I thought I could try again y'know… I tried everything I could think of so it isn't obvious and no matter what everyone still figures it out without even having to talk to me…I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just want to be left alone. ”

“You've known for a long time huh.” Evan said gently. 

“Known for as long as I knew what the word meant,” Noah sounded somewhat bitter. “I've tried being normal but I just...can't.” 

“Do they know? Like your parents?” 

“No….and they can't… I don't know how they'd react and I don't wanna take a chance. Milo I guess knows because I told him first but...he wouldn't say anything.i think Kevin knows which...I don't know what to think of really..” 

Evan thought for a moment. “Would it help to know I'm bisexual? Like...you're not alone man and you're not doing anything wrong y’know? It isn't weird or gross or whatever.” 

“Really?” Noah seemed surprised “I didn't...you're bisexual?” 

“Yeah? I mean no offense dude but...you have the worst gaydar  
ever if you can't tell I'm a little queer” Evan tried joking and Noah smiled for the first time. 

“Next you're gonna tell me you didn't know vinny's gay or Jeffs trans or Stephs probably a lesbian.”

“Ok yeah Jeff cus he told me but vinny? And didn't you date steph?” 

“For like two weeks in freshman year so everyone would get off her back about having a boyfriend.” Evan shook his head chuckling. Noah was smart but somehow very clueless. 

“I guess it doesn't matter too much that I'm gay if I end up alone forever right”

“Cmon don't think like that,” Evan nudged him “why would ya? You're real cute and sweet.” 

Noah blushed, “I...I don't think anyone else thinks so.” 

“What makes you say that? 

“It's just, not like I haven't tried to maybe ...I don't know hint that I was interested to people I know aren't straight but they just,aren't interested back.” Noah shrugged. Evan had a pretty good idea who he was talking about specifically. 

“Have you tried just being upfront about it.” Evan asked trying not to sound amused. “Sometimes people are interested they just aren't very uh...good at picking up hints.”

“I mean….i suppose i haven't like...said it directly.” Noah said playing with loose strings in the carpet. Evan smiled at his shy demeanor. 

“Well no offense but before you give up, maybe you should try just throwin yourself in there a little. The worst that can happen is that he says no.” Evan patted his shoulder. 

“I suppose you're right huh…” noah said thinking. “But he's….smart n shit i don't know i thought he'd have picked up on that kinda thing unless he just thinks i'm straight or joking...i don't know if i just think i'm being obvious or if i actually am i guess.” 

“Well uh...no offense but i did kinda guess about you...and already have an idea on who you're talkin about.” Evan admitted hoping noah wouldn't be too upset. 

“Shit….”

“But listen, i'm sure kevin does like you too he's just a little bit of an airhead sometimes i mean, he got lost going to school the other day.”

“Yeah i guess that's true.” Noah chuckled a little, his face bright red. 

They were quiet for a few moments but it wasn't that uncomfortable. 

“Y,know it's kinda nice almost like, i don't know just not having to hide” evan said hoping he didn't sound too awkward “like i know you know but it's safe i guess now. I could always just talk to you about this kinda thing. If that makes any sense i guess.”

“No i get that, it is nice” noah smiled 

“Just a couple of guys being gay.” evan joked putting an arm around noah who laughed. ]

Evan was jolted out of his memories by the door beside him opening. Noah walked out, his face looked red and splotchy a though he'd been crying, he walked by evan not seeming to notice he was there, evan was too nervous to call out to him.

“Sorry for making you wait, come in.” James invited, holding his door open for evan. He walked in and sat down, trying not to reveal how nervous he was.

“Evan, what's going on buddy.” James seemed concerned. Evan couldn't look him in the eye. He was scared. Should he be truthful? What if he didn't believe him, what if he did. 

“Nothin Doctor,” 

“Looks like a very large nothing on your face and wrists,” 

“I mean, it was just habit, he got carried away it happens.” The false causality in his voice almost sickened him, as if after telling this lie for so long it started to rot the second he looked put on a mask in front of James Corenthal. 

“That does happen doesn't it.” James said, his tone never wavering from calm and pleasant. Evan was nervous trying to think of some verbal trap he could get stuck in. “But Evan you have to realize I can tell when there's something else wrong. You've never been this upset or this, noticeably hurt. Now please, what's been happening at home.” 

Perhaps it was how genuine he sounded when he said it, perhaps Evan was still too emotional from the night before perhaps it was just that anyone at all attempted to care, regardless, Evan felt the suffocating hurt in his chest and the burning start of tears forming at the corner of his eyes. He felt everything that had happened the night before beg to be let out and he just couldn't refuse it any longer.

“My.,parents...you're not gonna tell anyone right?” Evan interrupted himself needing to know.

“Everything in this room is as it always has been,strictly confidential between the two of us.” James nodded. “Go on.” 

“Well….They got into an Argument, an I couldn't take it I was already overwhelmed ...it was..stupid but I...HABIT just leaves all his knives out yknow it….he, my dad, he wasn't..,happy he saw and he freaked out and got pissed and kinda dragged me out to my mom to show her and she,..my mom kept...hitting me n I couldn't do anything because they had my hands held down so tight and he kept digging his nails into em..so I just...cried and they hit me harder an yelled and called me worthless and an attention whore. At some point they were just screamin at me and each other…left eventually but I didn't sleep really.”

“Has this...happened before?” 

“Uhm...yeah…well not as bad maybe….well not as scary....just use a lot Of just….makeup yknow,” 

James, who had been sitting and resting his hand on his chin and only speaking the once during Evans explanation, gently reached out and held Evans hand. 

“I'm so,so sorry Evan, you deserve so much better than that….it's awful.” The way he said it sounded so heartbroken, like he was holding back tears himself and Evan didn't know what to do. 

“It's...not so bad….” 

“Evan that's a combination of the most disgusting things I've heard someone do to their child.” James said almost venomously and Evan felt himself cower instinctively. James took a deep breath. “I apologize. I simply mean that any level of bad warrants any feelings you have. And I'm telling you specifically as a professional whose seen stories like this, that this is an awful and a very dangerous situation.” 

“Well…” 

“You agree this hurts you yes?” 

“Uh...yeah…” 

“Than regardless of other details that's enough for me to get you out.” James stated. “Now as much as I hate to, it may be a good idea to get..authorities involved-” 

“No” Evan heard himself nearly yell shaking all of the sudden. James looked at him almost confused.

“Please...don't call anyone please James I…..I don't know what they'll do this time…” Evan pleaded desperate for him not to call CPS or anyone else. It had happened once before and he still had nightmares from the aftermath. 

“Evan, you are aware of the severity of the situation yes? To not do anything would be neglect on my part, I'd be abandoning you.” James started and Evan felt himself panic more. “And legally, I'm supposed to report it if I suspect a child is being harmed.” 

“James,.,”

“I know I'm not always one to follow the rules but…”

“Pl-please..dont “ Evan started crying he felt so stupid but God he was scared. “It w-won't help they'll…. They'll do...theylll... “

James didn't seem to be able to stand him crying.

“Evan, Evan hey don't cry kiddo listen, I won't, I won't call anyone I promise.” James stood up and went around the desk opening his arms as an invitation to hug him. “It'll be ok, i'll figure something out for you but I won't call anyone if it'll put you in harms way.” 

Evan threw his arms around the doctor and suppressed his urge to cry harder, trying to calm down. James gently pet his head and held him. 

“I'm going to help you Evan I promise I won't let you stay there for any longer than I have to. You're so brave. I'm proud of you for telling me. I'll help you.” 

Somehow, Evan didn't believe him.


End file.
